


Drink until you’re thirsty again

by hereticalvision



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Prostitution, Angst, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Cunnilingus, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Femdom, Implied/Referenced Underage Prostitution, Kissing, Minor Character Death, Older Man/Younger Woman, Oral Sex, Pining, Porn, Porn with Feelings, Prostitution, Rey Needs A Hug, Sex, Sex Positive, Sex Work, Sex Worker Rey, Sex negative character, Smut, Soft Ben Solo, Voyeurism, rey/everyone, soft boi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-18
Updated: 2020-06-15
Packaged: 2021-03-02 16:53:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 10
Words: 11,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24260128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hereticalvision/pseuds/hereticalvision
Summary: Lonely, desperate Ben Solo finds out that his too-young neighbor Rey is working as an escort. He drinks too much, she lies to everyone. When they come together, everything will change.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 80
Kudos: 258





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This one was inspired by dark indie film You are alone. It delves into the srs issues around sex work; please note the characters are expressing their own opinions and relating their experiences. I try to tag all appropriate content warnings without spoiling the story. If that puts you off, no hard feelings. Otherwise – welcome!
> 
> Underage tag is for caution - Rey is 17.
> 
> This fic is complete and will update regularly. Big love to bestest ever beta Fictionalist.

Rey arrives on time. The hotel is cheaper than the ones her clients usually pay for, the varnish on the wooden banister chipped, the carpet deep and plush but also old and worn, cleaner at the edges than in the center where guests traipse over it day after day. It’s not a by-the-hour place though – there’s that at least.

She walks in wearing jeans and a hoody, what she would wear to school or to the store, so as to remain inconspicuous. She swallows hard, the tension rising in her with every step she takes to the door. She tells herself to breathe – it’s just another date, just another job to get done, just another day to survive.

She knows it’s a lie. Her stomach is in knots. She can’t quite believe that he, of all people, called for a date with Kira.

She has to steel herself to knock on the door. Part of her hopes if maybe he won’t be here after all, if he’ll have changed his mind or chickened out or realized what a horrible idea all of this is – for him.

But no. Ben Solo opens the door, looks at her a moment, and beckons her inside. She walks past him to the center of the room. There isn’t much to the place, just what you’d expect: television, bed with a chintzy quilt, cream patterned wallpaper and a window covered in lace someone’s grandmother might have chosen. There’s a bottle of Scotch on the bedside table. It isn’t open yet.

Neither of them speaks.

‘Why here?’ Rey asks eventually. She’s still looking at the room instead of him, anywhere instead of him. When she does risk a glance, he looks as good as ever – muscular beneath his Henley, masses of soft dark hair, deeply expressive eyes. And what does she have? A skinny body and a virgin shtick.

‘Fond memories,’ Ben says, his voice deep as always but his tone rather abashed. ‘Of course, it seemed nicer back then.’

‘I’m sure,’ Rey says. She rubs her arms to ward off how exposed she feels. ‘I’m going to change.’

‘All right,’ he says. Rey ignores him and goes to the bathroom. Her nerves are still high and her pulse is racing.

If this was happening almost any other way, it might be a fantasy come to life. Her hot, older neighbor wants to take her to bed. The man she used to watch working out in his garden, shirtless. Oh, she got over her crush on him a while ago – or at least, put it to one side. But she never thought he’d…

Enough! Just a date, a day, just something to survive. Rey looks her reflection in the eye and puts her game face on.

When Rey emerges, her dark hair is down and she’s wearing a white sun dress – pretty and definitely intended as virginal. There are white cotton panties beneath. There are always white cotton panties beneath this dress, and white knee-high socks too.

Ben looks at her and scoffs, immediately seeing the costume for what it is. He has to look away at once, though his eyes keep returning to her even as he seems intent on pulling his gaze away. So, there is attraction there after all. Rey had begun to wonder.

Rey thinks about how easy the rhythm of a date can be, how she’s practiced in putting clients at ease. It’s all deserted her. All her toughness, all her hard-earned independence is for nothing: she’s here because he demanded it and now she doesn’t know what to do.

Mercifully, Ben breaks the silence by clearing his throat as he reaches into his pocket for the envelope. He places it down next to the television. ‘This should cover your time.’

That’s a surprise. ‘I didn’t know I was getting paid.’

‘Why would I expect you to do this for free? This is your job, isn’t it?’

Rey swallowed. ‘I just assumed this was in exchange for you not telling my foster father.’

‘Why would I tell him?’ Ben seems genuinely confused. ‘He’s not someone who would help you. I know that.’

Rey digests this a moment. ‘So I could have said no?’

‘Did you think you couldn’t? Fuck, Rey.’ Ben rakes his hand through his hand.

Something in Rey warms. ‘I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have thought you would—’

‘What else were you going to think?’ Ben is visibly angry with himself now. ‘Your adult neighbor calls your minor self—’

‘I’m not a child!’ Rey says, knowing even as she says it that nothing could make her sound more childish. It could be worse; she could have protested that she’ll be eighteen in two months or that she’s over the age of consent.

‘—asks to meet you in a hotel room. What were you going to think?’ He slams his hand into the wall next to him.

Rey startles; Ben deflates at once. ‘Now I’m frightening you. I’m sorry, Rey. I just wanted to talk to you.’

They all say that, Rey thinks.

‘You still can,’ Ben says, watching her carefully. ‘Leave, I mean. Right now, if you want to. I won’t tell anyone about any of this.’

She supposes in a way, they’ve got each other over the same barrel. So that’s something. But does she want to stay? To ‘talk’?

Rey doesn’t know.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank to everyone joining me for this! Quick note in case you missed the Rey/Everyone tag that there will be some scenes involving her other clients. Starts with a mild one here.

Ben Solo moved in next to Unkar Plutt about six years ago. Rey had been scavenging to survive for a while by then already – Plutt wouldn’t feed her if she didn’t pull her weight – and could tell his belongings were too expensive for this neighborhood. He was tall and gangly then but his eyes were always lovely.

She slept in the attic. It would be a push to call it a bedroom, but it was her own space. There was one small, circular window and it faced on to the neighbor’s yard. The people who’d been there before had left the space to overgrow; Ben spent a long weekend cutting back the grass and bushes to something more manageable. When he was done, he let a large brown fluffy dog out from his house to run madly around the space. Rey had smiled at the sight of her large, stern-looking neighbor tossing a ball to the delight of the dog who wagged its tail frantically.

She wasn’t very tall at eleven. The tallest girl in her class was Rose Tico, but she never got any taller after that and Rey hit 5’7” at sixteen. Anyway then, at eleven, she could just about peer over the fence into the garden. She wanted to get a closer look at the dog so one day she crept into the yard – usually a no-go zone because Plutt kept piles of things around there that he swore would make his fortune in online trading someday. She stepped up to her tiptoes and got a very close look indeed as the dog evidently spotted her and bounce **d** over to say hello, panting happiness in her face.

‘Chewie?’ a deep voice called.

The dog’s face met hers. It was all soft and cuddly and _so full of happiness_ it made her chest hurt.

‘Chewie? What have you found?’

The owner of the voice appeared suddenly – tall and a bit skinny with dark hair and eyes, his nose and ears a bit large, moles all over his face.

‘Hey, kid,’ he said roughly.

Rey flinched away and ran inside.

Ben says, ‘I was just about to make myself a drink. Do you want one?’

She shakes her head. ‘Not right now.’

‘How does it usually start?’ Ben asks, tension evident in every line of him.

Rey is starting to relax but she can’t deny this is still awkward. ‘With a stranger.’

Ben scowls. Rey can feel the conflict in him. He wants to be here with her, she thinks. She isn’t completely sure.

Now that her worries about coercion have been addressed, she can relax into her role. Or try to, at least. ‘I usually start with some small talk. Where do you work, what do you like to do.’

‘Do you ever ask them why they hire an escort?’ he says, an edge in his voice. He doesn’t look at her.

Rey sets her jaw. ‘It usually becomes clear.’

‘No one’s forcing you to do this? I wondered if Plutt–’

‘No,’ she says at once. ‘Nothing like that.’

‘So why do you sell yourself?’

‘I sell a fantasy, an escape. That’s all.’ Rey eyes him. ‘And I like to fuck.’ That last comes out harsh and defiant. She knows as she hears it that she’s trying too hard.

Ben clearly doesn’t believe her. ‘Then get a boyfriend. Make some other teenager feel like a god for an hour or so.’

‘Tried it,’ she says, leaning back on the bed, making her arm a pillow. ‘I like this better.’ This conversation is making her twitchy. ‘I think I’ll take that drink now, if that’s all right.’

Ben uses hotel tongs to place three ice cubes into a glass then pours a slug of Scotch over them. Rey watches his long fingers. She has a client who likes to use ice cubes; she’d bet that Ben could do great things with one held between those long, thick fingers.

She shifts a little, rubbing her thighs together. Now that she knows she could leave, she’s not in a hurry to do so. Not at all.

Rey sits up to take the glass, making sure to brush Ben’s fingers as she does. He gives her a look that tells her he knows it was deliberate. As she sips the drink, he sits in the wingback chair opposite the bed with his own glass in hand, drinking far more quickly than her.

‘I thought you’d want me to flirt with you,’ Rey says.

‘Not if you don’t mean it,’ Ben says darkly. ‘I’ve had a lifetime of people saying things they didn’t mean.’

This whole situation is odd. She’s supposed to be servicing him. Seducing him. Isn’t she? But somehow, she’s the one being seduced, by the simple thought of having someone to talk to. ‘I had a boyfriend but it didn’t work out. I got tired of being alone.’

‘No friends?’

‘None worth talking about.’ She tilts her head. ‘Do you have a lot of friends?’ She already knows he doesn’t.

‘None worth talking about,’ he returns. ‘It’s a bit of a jump. From lonely to…’ He doesn’t seem to know how to finish that sentence. Doesn’t know what word to use.

‘Whoring?’

‘I didn’t call you a whore.’

Just rented her like one. But fine, Rey isn’t squeamish. Prostitution, escorting, sex for money, she knows who she is and why she’s doing this. But if she says the wrong thing Ben might bolt.

She forces herself to sound blasé. ‘I was looking in the paper for movie times or free events – something to do rather than just stay at Plutt’s –’

‘He doesn’t hurt you, does he?’

‘No,’ Rey lies. ‘Anyway, I was looking for something to do and I spotted the escort ads in the back. Seemed like a fun escape for an hour or so.’

‘Escape – the second time you’ve said that.’

‘Everyone needs an escape,’ Rey replies. ‘Yours is alcohol.’

Ben’s hand stills where he has the glass raised to his mouth.

‘I live next door to you. I see the bottles.’

Ben finishes his sip, swallows hard. Licks his lips. ‘And I saw you at that party.’

Rey’s mouth tightens.

The party was at Hux’s pretentious, minimalist gray apartment. All the men from the office, all the wives and girlfriends strategically left at home. Hux had been talking to Mitaka or someone, one of the subordinates anyway, while Ben skulked in the corner drinking the best bourbon he could find. ‘Schoolgirl Escorts,’ Hux was saying. ‘I thought since the promotion it would be as well to celebrate being able to have all the things you never did in high school.’

‘How much did it cost?’ Mitaka asked, eyes wide.

‘Five hundred dollars.’

Ben snorted. ‘That’s a lot of money for something you can get free, Hux.’

‘Oh? And how often do you get it for free?’ Hux retorted.

The doorbell went then, and Ben was saved from answering. Hux smirked at him and wandered out to the hallway. When he came back there was a beautiful, too-young girl on his arm. ‘Gentlemen, meet the lovely Kira!’ Hux whooped and the other men roared. Ben drank more deeply, not really looking at first.

‘I thought we’d play a game,’ the girl said and that was when Ben’s head came up. He knew that voice. But from where? ‘Before we begin, whose promotion are we celebrating?’

‘Dopheld!’ one of the other men shouted and in seconds it was a chant: ‘ _Dopheld, Dopheld_.’

Mitaka was shoved into the center of the room while the other men laughed. Ben moved forward, trying to see.

The girl smiled at Mitaka as he walked forward. ‘Well, I think you’ve earned a kiss, Sir.’

The men around whooped as ‘Kira’ put her hands on Mitaka’s face and drew him in deep and passionate.

When she pulled away, smiling, Ben’s eyes met Rey’s and she stilled.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Ben can't stop asking Rey about her clients.
> 
> Me: Will you _please_ stop talking and bone?  
> Reylo: Nah, fam. We’ve got angsting to do first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait, I was a bit daunted by AO3's email message - but I've been getting notifications fine so hopefully you all are too.
> 
> In between, I put together a playlist, available here: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4uL3QyCclDhPcyDtC0nZMh?si=Ty6r7hrLTESr2WRCbXnN4Q

It’s easier to blow past the issue of the party than address it head on. ‘Yeah, well. I thought at the time maybe you were so drunk you wouldn’t remember.’

‘You hoped I wouldn’t remember,’ Ben corrects. ‘I can’t believe you slept with Hux.’

‘Only a couple of times,’ Rey said, oddly defensive. What if Ben is one of those guys who judges a girl by the men she slept with before. That would be rich, if she couldn’t have him because of _Hux_ of all people. ‘I didn’t really like him very much.’

‘I don’t want to know.’

‘Oh, you don’t want to hear all the nasty things he likes to get up to?’ Rey smirks. ‘Men are weird like that. Always comparing. Competing.’ She shakes her head. ‘Hux is always competing even when it’s just two of you. It’s no fun.’

Ben scowls. ‘Is that true or are you just telling me what you think I want to hear?’

‘You don’t think I know what you want to hear?’ She bats her eyelashes at him. ‘I’m good at working that kind of thing out, you know.’ Now, she is. All of the flirting, all of the provocation had to be learned. It never came naturally to her.

Ben doesn’t know that. ‘Of course you are. But I want you to tell me the truth tonight.’ His eyes capture hers, hold them. ‘I want to know the truth of you.’

‘You bought a fantasy, you didn’t buy me,’ she reminds him, voice low.

‘I want you, though,’ Ben replies, voice just as intense.

And God, what hearing him say that does to her. He’s so big all over he could crush her and she wants him to. Wants to feel his weight on her, wants him to lose himself in her. She’s never wanted anyone like this.

‘So why all the questions?’ Rey smiles slow and deliberately sad. ‘Did you bring me here so you could save me, Ben?’

He looks as though he hates himself more than ever when he says, ‘No. I just... I need to tell someone the truth or I’m going to go mad. But it has to be both of us.’

He’s vulnerable before her now. Beautiful eyes, soulful gaze and money on the table. The total package.

‘All right, so I liked sex with Hux,’ she admits. ‘He’s athletic and very controlled. But I was honest about it not being fun. He’s very clinical. He’s running a performance on your body, that’s all. And he’s good at it but it’s not… erotic? I don’t know.’

‘That’s probably a good description,’ Ben says. ‘I know the kind of thing you mean.’ He considers. ‘Did you do a lot of parties like that?’

‘Not many. I know what you’re thinking but they’re basically harmless.’

‘Really? You’ve never got in trouble?’

‘I can handle myself if it comes to it, but I’ve got pretty sharp instincts about people. Growing up in foster homes you get good at knowing who’s going to be all right and who isn’t. Some parties, I sign up to fool around with a bunch of guys and I go home with dollar bills in my underwear. Jokes on them – I don’t even always have to fuck those nights and the tips are insane.’ Hundreds of dollars in her secret stash, hidden where nobody would think to look. Plutt’s too heavy to get into her attic room these days never mind reach the top beam where she keeps the tin.

‘What do you do with the money?’

‘I’m saving for a rainy day.’

‘That’s not an answer.’

‘That’s because it’s a stupid question!’ Rey snaps, suddenly furious. ‘I’m going to age out of foster care in about a minute and Plutt won’t let me stick around if he’s not getting cash to have me there. Which, fine, I wouldn’t want to stay anyway but I don’t have anyone in my life, not really. I have to rely on me.’

‘You don’t find what you do degrading?’

Her knee-jerk reaction is to say no, of course. But she pauses to think about it. Trying to be really honest, like he asked. ‘I can see how it could be. But no. It’s empowering to me. It’s all on my own terms. I have the ad online, no boss, I make the choices, I rely on me. I get paid more than some fulltime diner paycheck for about five hours a week, and I can stay in school so that maybe someday I have a chance at something else.’ Rey shrugs again. ‘And a lot of my regulars don’t even really want sex.’

‘They just want someone to talk to? I’ve heard that before – it sounds like bullshit.’

‘I’m sorry, what did you say you brought me here for?’

Ben seems to digest that a moment, but doesn’t seem to know what to do with it so instead he walks over to his bottle. ‘I chose this hotel because it’s where my high school girlfriend and I used to come,’ he says.

Rey’s eyebrows raise.

‘I wasn’t a great student but I was captain of the wrestling team and I was dating–’

‘A cheerleader?’

Ben snorts. ‘No, but a Queen Bee. Bazine Netal. Beautiful and a bit cruel and she knew it and I worshipped her. This place was nicer then but still pretty low rent so we’d come here on the rare occasions when both sets of our parents were in town, get high and fuck our brains out.’ Another long drink.

So they’re here to relive his glory days. Rey wonders if he’ll want to call her Bazine, during. For some reason that idea bothers her. ‘You miss her?’

‘No,’ Ben says, shaking his head. ‘No, over time the cruel streak grew. She cheated on me, a lot. Made me feel like it was my fault somehow. I’d always struggled with my temper and I started acting out. Getting violent.’

‘You hit her?’ Rey finds it impossible to imagine but the possibility makes her stomach tighten in any case.

‘No! Never. But I got into fights, smashed things up.’ He runs a weary hand over his face. ‘By the end I was furious all the time and I could barely stand to look at her.’

‘And there’s been no one since?’

‘No one worth talking about,’ he says again, a wealth of self-loathing in his eyes.

Rey nods to herself at this and stands. She takes his glass from his limp fingers, retrieves her own. She reaches into the ice bucket with her fingers, licks the drips of Scotch from her fingers after she pours.

Ben watches her move around with hooded eyes until she hands him back his glass and clinks it with her own.

‘To being alone,’ she says.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which there is backstory, and discussion of orgasm.
> 
> There is a teeny bit of kink-shaming from Ben in this chapter, in case that might upset anyone. Also please to note the tags...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to all those reading and especially commenting! In case you mised it, the fic playlist is here: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4uL3QyCclDhPcyDtC0nZMh?si=Ty6r7hrLTESr2WRCbXnN4Q

Ben has been silent and broody for a while, leaving it to Rey to choose a next move. ‘You never leave your house any more, and it’s weird,’ she says.

It rouses him at least a little. ‘Not completely true. I still go to the gym every day. Probably when you’re in school.’

‘But not to work?’

‘I work from home. Did you ever meet my parents?’

Weird segue. The answer is yes, years ago. More recently she’s seen an older woman she’s sure is his mother pounding on the door while she knows Ben is home but he never answers. ‘Sure. Your dad would hang around outside your house some time. He always called me “kid” even though I told him my name.’

‘He always called me “kid” too. It was his only term of endearment. Except sometimes he called my mother “sweetheart”.’

‘That’s nice. I think I would like to be someone’s sweetheart.’

The look on Ben’s face tells Rey that he would, too. ‘Well. What I was saying – my mother’s family were loaded. Plus, there’s my investment bank money from the job before this. Mostly I keep working to have something to do.’

‘But you don’t do anything for fun?’

‘The gym is fun.’

‘Really? I hate the gym.’

‘You’re in shape though,’ Ben says. Good, he noticed, even though he hasn’t let his eyes linger on her and doesn’t now. She’s well aware of the picture she makes as she lazes on the bed. Slim legs, perky breasts, beautiful mouth. He clears his throat. ‘You must work out?’

‘Climbing for fun. Yoga for flexibility. It’s good to be able to bend in my line of work.’ She raises a leg teasingly.

This time Ben takes the remark as the flirtation she was trying to project. ‘Can I ask,’ he says, ‘in all seriousness. How does it feel?’

‘It can be good. It can be a really good time.’ Rey thinks of Poe Dameron – curly hair, dazzling smile. ‘I’ve got one client who loves the girlfriend experience, you know? It would be the whole night with him if I’d let him. He likes to pamper me, make me laugh.’ He tips her extravagantly every time. He gave her lingerie and perfume, and liked to hear about her other clients. Sometimes she’d spend a good half of her time there telling him increasingly outrageous stories – careful not to include anything identifying – while she sipped champagne and he played with his own cock.

‘How old is he?’

‘Forty. He hired me for the first time on his fortieth birthday. Said he wanted to recapture his youth.’

‘Or someone’s youth anyway,’ Ben muttered. ‘Is that about average?’

‘Around that, yeah. Some of the guys are older than that,’ Rey said with a shrug. ‘Some of them want me to call them Daddy, of course. I don’t think I’m the one with Daddy issues.’

‘What does that mean?’ Ben blurts.

Rey is alarmed. ‘It was a joke? Because I don’t have parents there are a lot of older guys who’d probably think I’m looking for a Daddy but I never start that shit.’ Rey watches Ben relax a little. What was that surprise? ‘Are you going to want me to call you Daddy?’

‘What?’ This time he’s so shocked he sloshes the Scotch in his glass. ‘We’re just going to talk. I thought you said a lot of your clients just wanted to talk.’

‘For most of the time they’ve paid for, sure, but usually they want a little something before they’re on their way. And you’re the one who said them wanting to talk to me was bullshit.’

‘I…’ Ben doesn’t seem to know how to deal with that. Rey can spot a man who’s lying to himself; she sees them every day. He shakes his head and she knows that the subject has been put to one side, at least for another moment. ‘ _Daddy_ , though. Doesn’t it bother you that you’re fulfilling this fantasy for men old enough to be your father?’

Rey is not about to let that pass. ‘How are you different? You saw me at that party and it changed everything. Didn’t it.’ She licks her lips and his eyes follow her tongue. Of course they do. ‘You have your own fantasies, right?’

‘About you?’

‘I hope so,’ she says, honest.

He drains his glass, presumably for courage. ‘Truthfully, sex hadn’t entered my mind for a long time. Not until I knew you were available.’

 _Available._ What a way to put it. ‘And you thought I was sexy.’

He swallows hard, doesn’t look up. His voice is soft when he says, ‘You know you are.’

Sometimes she does. ‘Did you think of me after that night?’

He looks at her now, then looks away. Looks at her, looks away. His eyes are continually drawn back to her face so Rey gets up on her hands and knees, moving across the bed towards him, encouraging him.

He hasn’t answered so she persists. ‘Not even when you lie awake at night? Not even when you cum?’

‘I tried not to.’ His voice is barely audible. He squeezes his hand into a fist; he’s ashamed, Rey realizes. But he does want her.

Softly, softly, Rey tells herself. ‘When I cum I’m off on some other planet, you know? Or sometimes floating above this ocean, if it’s really good.’ She pinches her nipple. ‘Peaceful.’

‘And you cum with your clients?’ Ben’s voice is almost normal but he can’t quite manage to look at her.

She sighs. ‘Not often. Not even if I like them.’

‘That bother you?’

‘It used to,’ she admits. ‘But now I think it’s pretty normal. I think maybe the place in your head has to be private or it doesn’t work. I don’t know.’

‘I’ve never felt alone in my head,’ Ben says quietly. ‘Just in every other way.’

About two years ago was when Rey saw something change for Ben. She didn’t realize it at first. He just wasn’t in his yard as often. Then it started to get overgrown again. Fluffy Chewie was left alone to run around. No balls were thrown. No pets were given. The tail wagged less.

When she’d see Ben taking out his trash there would always be a clinking sound and a smell she associated with some of Plutt’s less savory nights at home. On those nights she was grateful, not for the first time, to be in the attic. She could pull the ladder up and know she was safe to sleep.

Ben still took Chewie on walks, though they were less infused with joy. Rey didn’t know a lot about dogs but she could see that this one was getting older. His steps were slower, his fur starting to lose its luster. Still, their silhouettes looked much as they always had – the huge, dark man with the huge bear-like dog beside him as they went through the streets together. Ben would still raise his hand in acknowledgement and Chewie would make a solid effort to lick Rey hello.

A little over six weeks ago she saw Ben in the yard sobbing. She was surprised at how desperately she wanted to hold him, ask him what was wrong, soothe him in the ways she herself had never been soothed.

It took her a few days to realize that Chewie wasn’t around any more. The sobbing made sense after that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have recently joined Reylo Twitter! I'm hereticalvision there too and I'd love it if you said hi.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Ben is a creeper and Rey is with a client

Tired of the melancholy, Rey asks, ‘Do you mind if I take my clothes off?’

Ben snorts a little. ‘Be my guest.’

Rey strips, slowly. She begins by turning her back to Ben and unzipping the white dress at the side, beneath her arm. The dress was from Goodwill but serves her well. She could have bought something more expensive, more fashionable with her earnings if she had wanted to but the simplicity of it is part of what her clients like, she thinks. She is therefore careful with it, laying it out on the bed in order to fold it up. She places it gently on the night stand, stepping out of her shoes as she does. It’s only then she turns to Ben, whose eyes are firmly on her body. Men like backs, she knows.

Facing him she comes around to the edge of the bed again. She brings her right foot up towards her body and rolls the sock off from knee to pale-pink-polished toes. She repeats the motion with her left, her eyes wide on his. She is left then in a white lace bra and the white cotton panties she’s heard so many odes to in her appointments. She bites her lip and looks at Ben through her lashes.

Ben’s breathing is coming heavier. She thinks his pants have grown tighter at the front. He stands, taking a couple of steps towards her. When he reaches her, she looks up at him, waiting.

‘Is that part of one particular performance, or a standard service?’ he asks.

Rey scoffs, rolling her body forward to cover her embarrassment. ‘You asked before how these things usually start. Sometimes that’s a way. When the guy is uncertain.’

‘You think I’m uncertain?’

‘I think you’ve been asking a lot of questions.’ She considers him. ‘I thought maybe it was turning you on. Hearing about what I do with other men.’

Ben doesn’t answer. ‘I told you I wanted to know the truth of you.’

‘You did,’ Rey concedes. ‘But all your questions are about Kira.’

Lor San Tekka, the oldest of her clients, is a subby kind of man. That’s all right with Rey, she doesn’t mind taking charge. Makes her feel safer. She arrived – or rather, Kira arrived – on time for her appointment: 4pm sharp every Sunday. He gives a church service at 6.

Tekka let in her in wordlessly, dressed in soft pajamas and a dark red smoking jacket. ‘Lovely to see you, young lady,’ he said.

‘And you,’ she replied, kissing his cheek. He’s a good client. The envelope is already on the table by the door – she doesn’t have to ask.

‘Can I get you a drink?’

‘Some water,’ she said. ‘Bring it to me in the living room.’

‘Not the bedroom?’

‘Not today.’ She didn’t explain herself. Little details like that helped both of them find the right headspace.

She went to the living room and remained standing, waiting for Tekka to come back with her water. He handed it to her and sat down in his armchair. The water was cold and infused with lemon; she took a refreshing sip.

‘Have you been good this week?’ she asked softly.

‘Yes. I have made myself ready to serve you.’

‘Good,’ she replied. She took her dress off with that slow, hypnotic rhythm he likes so much. For Tekka, the dress and bra come off but the socks and panties stay on. His breathing grows rapid as she uncovers her breasts. It always does, but he won’t touch them until after and even then, not before begging. He likes her to make him beg.

But not for this part. She steps closer and closer to the chair. His fingers tighten on the arm rests as she balances herself above him with the ease of practice.

Kira pressed Tekka’s face to her cunt. Rey looked up for a second to see Ben Solo watching her through the French windows.

‘Is that it? You divide yourself into Kira and Rey and never the twain shall meet?’

He sits on the bed next to her – at last! ‘It’s not quite that simple. But it does help, to slip into a role. And most of the clients have pretty specific fantasies so that helps.’

‘You don’t seem like a “Kira”.’

Rey shrugs, leaning back as she speaks. ‘Conjures up the right images. I think of her as my wild side.’

‘I’d be too afraid to name my wild side. It might take over.’

‘Would that be so bad?’

‘Yes,’ he says harshly.

Rey sighs. ‘I’m always saying the wrong thing with you.’

Ben looks at her then. Reaches out to caress her face. She melts into him, not an act at all. It’s the first time he’s touched her since they’ve been here. ‘I’m sorry,’ he breathes. ‘It’s not you. I think I’m afraid of myself, sometimes.’

Rey can see that. She was a little afraid of him herself long before she thought maybe he hit girls, afraid of him in a way that had nothing to do with his build or demeanor and everything to do with the distance she felt the need to keep between her heart and the rest of the world.

‘Is that why you don’t really have friends?’

He smiles sadly. ‘Probably. Bazine drove me nuts but it doesn’t excuse how shitty I was to the girls who came after. The only people who put up with me are assholes themselves, which is how I end up at parties like the one Hux threw. None of it seems worthwhile.’

She nudges him with her knee. ‘That’s one of the good things about what I do, you know? I get a chance to see people’s selves when all their armor is off and they’re at their most raw. Their most needy.’

Rey finished her appointment with Tekka as though nothing was wrong because she’s a professional, damn it, and because upsetting one of her most devoted regulars wasn’t something she’d do lightly.

She looked around the moment she was out of Tekka’s house and sure enough, there’s Solo’s car – a Ford Falcon from the mid-60s she’d admired more than once.

He saw her coming towards him and myriad expressions flickered across his face too fast for her to identify them. The deepest impression she got was that he felt impossibly sad and it made her furious. Who was he to judge her?

She ran to the driver’s window: it’s open. ‘Enjoy the show?’ she snapped.

He didn’t look at her. ‘I just needed to know it was really you.’

Why? She wants to scream at him. Why? Why? ‘And now that you do?’ she said instead.

Ben had nothing else to say. He didn’t even look at her – just started the car and drove away, leaving her on the street, alone and frightened.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Ben and Rey finally stop talking for a minute...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to all you lovely commenters <3 Every word from you means the world to me.

‘You see who your clients are, you said. Does that go both ways?’

Rey wants to make a bi joke but now is probably not the time. ‘That’s not what I’m there for. And like I said, they buy their fantasy. They don’t buy me.’

‘That’s a shame. Not to be seen.’

‘They look at me, though,’ Rey says. ‘Tell me how beautiful I am, how perfect. How much I mean to them, sometimes.’ She tries coy again. ‘Do you like looking at me?’

Maybe Ben is finally relaxing, or maybe it’s the Scotch that makes him admit, ‘More than I want to.’

She’d hoped so. ‘It’s all right. No one will know.’

He twists around to rest back against the pillows. Rey is stretched out across the bottom of the bed in her white underwear. ‘You have beautiful freckles,’ he says, reaching out to stroke her shoulder, shiver-light.

She smiles, brilliant. ‘I’m sure that’s exactly what you like looking at.’ She moves around to consider him. ‘Did you enjoy watching me with that client?’ She doesn’t say Tekka’s name, just in case Ben doesn’t already know it.

His fingers still.

‘It’s all right if you did,’ she assures him quickly. ‘I get it – liking to watch.’

Ben’s breath leaves his lungs in a rush. ‘Yes. Yes, I liked it.’ The self-hatred is back there for some reason.

Rey turns on the bed to face him and his eyes open, gold-brown like whisky, wet enough to drown in. ‘I liked the way you took control of him,’ he says, ‘and I thought to myself, would you take control of me the same way? Or would you give me control instead, let me pin you down. And I wanted to do both with you, everything with you. I hadn’t realized until that moment how much trouble I was in.’

‘Trouble?’

His hand moves as though of its own accord to touch her hair. ‘You’re so young, Rey.’

‘You’ve seen me boss around a man far older than you,’ Rey points out. ‘And I am quite old enough to appreciate a man who likes to eat pussy, thank you.’ She’s being a brat on purpose now. Will he like it?

He liked something about it; his eyes darken. ‘You’d like me to eat you out?’

‘God, yes,’ Rey said, her voice coming out hoarse. ‘Your mouth is beautiful and I’d love to feel it on me.’ She means it, and he wants to believe her. Perfect.

Ben shudders a little. His hand moves from her hair to her shoulder, to follow her bra strap down to the swell of her breast. Rey’s breathing picks up as his fingers gently slide over her stomach and over the white cotton panties. His fingers are so long and thick, she thinks, licking her lips. Her eyes are fixed on his and he’s watching only her face as he gently cups her sex.

Rey gives an appreciative hum.

‘You’re damp,’ he says softly.

‘Yes,’ she says. ‘Now make me wet.’

Ben groans. ‘You’ll tell me how I’m making you feel?’

‘I promised to be honest with you.’

Ben gives her another intense stare, paired with a lip curl that might pass for a smile. Then he’s slipping down to kneel on the floor beside the bed and pressing his long nose into her. His large hands pull her to where he wants her, legs over his shoulders, as he breathes in her sex and nudges his nose against her sensitive parts.

‘You smell good,’ he says.

‘You mostly smell of alcohol, but it doesn’t bother me.’

He huffs a laugh into the soft skin of her inner thigh. He’s started by tracing the shape of her panties inside her thighs with his tongue.

‘Tease,’ she accuses.

‘I’m just,’ a kiss, ‘making the most of the moment.’

‘Mm,’ Rey says in a kind of agreement as he places his mouth over her panties and bites down a bit. Her body jerks towards him and she gasps. He’s nuzzling her clit through her panties while his fingers slip down to tease her entrance. Two fingertips rub the damp cotton against her and she writhes, pushing herself harder against his mouth. Her hands find his hair, his beautiful dark waves soft in her hands. She tugs it gently and he moans, grinding his jaw into her, making her moan in turn. Ben pulls back a little to look up at her; his hands bunch up the fabric of the panties’ crotch to form a rope he rubs against her. She moans again; he’s good at this.

‘Shaved bare,’ he says, voice even deeper than usual.

Now is probably not the time to mention that clients tend to prefer it. ‘You like it?’

‘Does make this easier,’ he says, still nuzzling her gently, and slips his two fingers inside. She’s getting wetter all the time, her cunt, her armpits, the back of her knees. The cool room is forgotten. There is only the heat of Ben and her own arousal.

Rey grinds herself against his face now, muttering that he promised to eat her out not tease her half to death and Ben gives a soft chuckle before he moves the sodden fabric aside and finally flicks his tongue over her clit. Rey arches her back at once, helpless against the sensation.

‘Again,’ she demands, pushing his face back down to her; he catches her hands and places them over her own breasts, still in her bra. She smiles down at him and slips a hand inside, teasing her nipple as he resumes his efforts below. Every moan and whimper she lets loose make him redouble his efforts.

‘I can’t believe you really want me,’ he whispers. There is awe in his eyes now, and it warms Rey in a way she hadn’t known to expect. She touches his hair, tender, and he pushes into it as though starved, puts his mouth back on her like he’s suffering from a thirst that can never be quenched. The whisky on his breath makes her tingle, but the desperation in the sounds he’s making, how badly he needs this… It’s the hottest thing Rey has ever known.

He sucks her clit, runs his tongue over her labia and licks around his fingers opening her up, searching for that spot inside. Rey stops trying to watch and gives herself over to it – the sensations, her own fingers on her breasts, the noises of appreciation he’s making.

‘Ben, I’m going to… Ben…’

His fingertips find the right spot inside and suddenly Rey is peaking, the tension flooding out of her body to be replaced by warmth and pleasure that leave her gasping, mindless and limp and feeling almost complete for the first time she can remember.

When she comes back to herself, Ben is smiling up at her with his chin resting on her hip, all his clothes still on. He could have been going to a meeting except for the soft sheen of her juices on his nose. She wonders if he’ll say something smug about what she told him about cumming with her clients, but instead he asks, ‘Did you see the ocean?’

Rey laughs, breathless and something like happy.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which there is more talking and a kiss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone still reading this. There's so much craziness in the world that posting fic feels almost silly but your kudos and comments mean the world to me <3

After, Ben strips Rey of her soaking panties and she removes her own bra because what’s the point of keeping it on? Ben seems younger and lighter now, but when Rey offers to reciprocate, he shuts down again.

‘I have trouble,’ he says. ‘Letting people touch me.’

‘Didn’t I touch you just then?’

‘Yes. And I liked it,’ he rushes to add. ‘I just…’

Rey waits for him to finish but apparently that’s all that’s going to be forthcoming. ‘It’s fine,’ she says. ‘The main thing is you enjoyed it.’

‘I did,’ he says. ‘Didn’t you?’

‘You know I did.’ That she usually didn’t cum with clients hadn’t been a lie, though it hadn’t been a challenge either. Her orgasm was by far the exception rather than the rule. ‘You’re really good at that. Did Bazine teach you?’

Ben laughs. ‘More like, let me practice on her until I got it right. But not every woman is the same of course.’

‘Of course. But you didn’t need much in the way of feedback.’

‘Are you trying to build up my confidence?’

‘Yes. Because it deserves to be pretty high.’

Ben keeps smiling, which is what Rey wanted to achieve so she smiles back. Ben excuses himself to the bathroom and when he comes back he sits back next to her but he’s got yet another glass of Scotch in his hand. As he sits, he swirls the liquid around and Rey sighs inwardly. ‘You seem nervous suddenly.’

Ben clears his throat. ‘I want to ask you something. Personal.’

‘More personal than everything else? I’m clean, if that’s the question.’

‘Not – not that, although it’s good to know. You said you had a boyfriend and I guess I just wondered… was your first time a client?’

Rey doesn’t answer. She wants more Scotch suddenly, but she’s afraid that if she gets off the bed he’ll never touch her again. ‘Do you remember Finn?’ she says instead.

‘The kid who hung around your house a lot last summer? Vaguely.’ Ben frowns a moment before he puts it together. ‘Ah, the boyfriend?’

Rey worries her lip with her teeth. Ben seems to understand because he stands wordlessly. Brings the bottle this time and hands it to her. She meets his challenging gaze and takes it, drinking the spirit straight.

Rey doesn’t like to drink too much; that doesn’t mean she can’t.

‘Go on,’ Ben encourages her when she’s done. He sits back down next to her. She can feel the warmth of his leg through his pants.

Finn. ‘He was my friend first, you know? And I think when we were together that first time, those first times, I think he loved me then.’

Ben only nods, but his hand comes to rest on the bed right near hers.

She takes it. ‘I know that he was the first boy I kissed. The first boy who ever wanted to kiss me I think.’

‘I doubt that. You’re beautiful.’

He says it so simply. Rey tries to imagine explaining to him what it was like being shunted from home to home, wishing that her parents would come back, slowly realizing that they never would. Always being the new girl with the cheap clothes, always being the freak. How boys would look at her sometimes, of course, but they’d think about fucking her under the bleachers, not kissing her in the hallway. And then there was Finn, who wanted all of it.

‘Thank you,’ is all she says.

‘What happened?’

She takes another long drink from the bottle. ‘One night, we’d been fooling around. I’d been reading all these stupid magazines, you know? _Ten tips to drive your lover wild_. I wanted to try some stuff out. So when I was naked, I turned on my stomach and asked if he wanted to experiment.’

‘You offered him…?’ Ben is too delicate to say ‘anal’, which is a laugh after the ruthless way he ate her out, but she’s pretty sure they’re on the same page. She doesn’t need to tell him the details.

‘He sat up at once and asked why.’ She keeps summarizing instead. ‘He got all flushed, like there was something wrong with me. Started stuttering then he got up, got dressed and he left. He never really talked to me again. Next thing he’s dating that drip Rose. She was around before but he ignored her until then. I thought he did anyway.’

Ben’s hand squeezes hers. She likes it.

‘I don’t know what I did that was so wrong,’ she concludes. ‘That’s teenage boys for you. It’s all jokes about laying the pipe but god forbid you have desires of your own.’

Ben sighs. ‘It’s sad. Men – boys, really – can feel threatened by sexually aggressive women.’

‘OK, but isn’t that the porno fantasy? What teenage guy turns down something like that?’

Ben shrugs. ‘I guess it’s one thing to watch a video or think about the possibilities but… In his mind, you made him less of a big deal.’

Rey digests that for a moment. ‘I would have thought everyone would want a partner they could experiment with – not hide from.’ She drinks again. ‘I’ve often wondered if the married ones would do the things they do with me with their wives, if their wives would let them. Some of them I think maybe would. But… I don’t know.’

Neither of them speaks again for a while.

‘Are a lot of your clients married?’

‘Some of them. I don’t ask, but sometimes they want to talk about it.’

‘Doesn’t that bother you?’

Rey dodges; it does, a bit, but this is a job not an affair. ‘Should it?’

Ben doesn’t reply.

‘Whatever,’ says Rey. ‘I don’t even miss Finn that much. Just stuff like, whenever he left me at home he’d call me when he got to his just to tell me he’d made it and to check I was OK. He always did small things like that. I miss it.’

‘I can see how you would.’ Ben takes the bottle from her, gulps from it. ‘No one’s ever really done that kind of thing for me.’

This surprises Rey: between his family and his looks, she’d assumed that at least early in his life, Ben had had it pretty good. ‘Really?’

‘Except for Bazine, I’ve barely ever even had a girlfriend.’

‘That’s… Have you seen you?’

Ben laughs. Really laughs. His face changes completely: his mournful eyes light up; his white teeth poke out, crooked; lines of joy deepen into his cheeks. He looks like a giant dork and something inside her tightens. Oh, God.

‘I’m not exactly good with people,’ he says when he’s done laughing. He shakes his head. ‘I think that’s the most I’ve laughed in a year.’ He looks at her mouth a moment. ‘Do you know the thing I really do miss about having a girlfriend? Kissing. It’s been a really long time since I kissed anyone.’

Hadn’t they… No, they hadn’t. Rey’s smile becomes a little smaller, a little more secret. She can feel it changing her face. Her eyes dart between his eyes and his mouth. ‘Well that’s easily remedied.’

Ben hesitates so it’s up to Rey to close the distance, brushing his lips with her own. The moment she does, though, his hands find her back. They’re so big against her body – one above the other, his touch spans her whole naked spine and she whimpers against him. His tongue sweeps over her lips. She opens her mouth eagerly, pressing herself against him as best she can. She caresses his face, the shell of his large ear, the sensitive place at the back of his neck.

He groans deeply and hauls her closer; the only way is to drag her around to straddle him. He takes her weight like it’s nothing, which is so hot Rey makes that desperate sound again.

Instead of the chemistry between them catching fire as she’d thought, the sound makes Ben slow down. He keeps kissing her, keeps caressing her, but it goes from passionate and fervent to sweet. Almost loving. He nips at her lips, presses chastely against the corners of her mouth. It’s so loving it brings tears to her eyes.

Rey gasps and pulls away, standing right up and off him. Ben looks at her with wide eyes clouded and confused, then seems to remember himself. She wraps her arms around herself, not quite sure why her reaction was so strong, not knowing how to soothe herself. Then she remembers that there’s Scotch.

After a long draw from the bottle she’s a little less raw. ‘You’re really good at that,’ she says at last.

‘So are you.’ Ben bites his lip. He looks mussed – his cheeks are flushed, his hair’s a mess and he’s definitely at least a little hard. He also looks embarrassed.

She can’t bear it.

‘I almost quit once,’ she blurts out.

He looks at her sharply. ‘How come?’

She swallows. She’s never told anyone this – not that she goes around blabbing most of what she’s said to him but somehow this is the worst, even worse than Finn breaking her heart.

‘There’s this millionaire boy’s club or something. They have these parties out at the mansion on the lake. You know the one?’

Ben nods slowly. ‘Snoke’s house.’

‘Yeah. I guess he’s the guy in charge of it.’ She shrugs as though it doesn’t matter. ‘All men. All white. All married. They meet every other Friday night to “play cards”.’

‘And do they? Play cards?’ It’s not a real question.

‘Yeah, but they also have a few girls waiting. One room each. The men take turns. Do whatever they’re in the mood for.’

Ben doesn’t speak, doesn’t break the tension. Rey feels her body collapsing inwards a little, shoulders rounding. She doesn’t know why she’s telling him this.

‘It was the most money I ever made,’ she says, keeping her voice as even as she can. ‘And they’ve called me every two weeks since, but… I can’t do it again.’

‘Why not?’

‘It was the only time I ever felt… I dunno. Like a whore. None of the men there liked women or even sex, I don’t think. It was all about bragging. Showing off. Talking to the other men about the hot piece of ass. It was like a frat party for the over-fifties. It was… gross.’

‘In a way the others aren’t?’ He’s calmed a little now.

‘Most of my clients are respectful. It’s about something they need. Maybe they don’t connect with the real me, like you said, but at least I can see who they are. Those guys… I don’t know.’ She’s fully hugging herself now.

‘Snoke’s a bad enemy to have.’

‘He didn’t touch me – I don’t think he noticed me. There was this six-foot blonde Amazon who was there only for him.’

‘Phasma,’ Ben whispers.

Rey frowns. ‘How do you know that?’

Ben doesn’t look at her when he says, ‘A couple of years ago, before I changed jobs, I worked for a bank that did business with Snoke. And a couple of times…’

‘You’ve been to the parties,’ Rey realizes all at once.

He looks at her, eyes full of misery. ‘Yes. I only went twice. Like you said, it was usually his cronies. He took a liking to me after I did some dirty work for him and invited me alone. He watched me getting my cock sucked. It was…’ Ben’s jaw works. He doesn’t finish the thought. ‘The time after was right in the middle of my breakdown. The time I let my dark side take the wheel, you might say.’

‘Two years ago?’

His eyes are sharp on hers but he nods. ‘You see a lot from the house next door, I guess. Yes, two years ago. When the drinking started to get really bad. I was so angry.’

She kisses him then. She crosses the room back to the bed, remembering how he’d sobbed for his dog and imagining how he must have mourned for his father, alone.

She settles herself back on top of him and touches her lips to his forehead, nose, chin. ‘Because your father died?’ she asks.

‘Because it was my fault.’


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which there are more revelations about the past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who comments, it really makes my whole day :D

Between their first meeting and Chewie dying, Rey watched Ben a lot. Whenever she would lie in her room at night, too much noise coming up from downstairs for her to read, she’d gaze out of the window. Her neighbor had stopped frightening her and begun to intrigue her. She watched him exercise, watched him cook, watched him pet his dog. He was always alone. Sometimes he would sit by himself, barely moving for hours. She didn’t know if he was reading or what – she only realized it was meditation later, after she started yoga classes. But by then he’d stopped the sitting and started the drinking.

She still liked to watch him, even though she’d long given up her girlish ideas that the handsome prince and his wonderful dog would save her from the drunken Plutt-monster. Even after she realized that the two men had something in common, something she didn’t like.

She wanted to save him, instead.

Rey looks at Ben now, wondering, ‘How?’ She’s looking him right in the eyes, straddling him.

‘I-’ Ben shakes his head and pushes at her a little. ‘I can’t tell you like this.’

Rey mutely shifts her weight to sit back down on the bed. The bedspread has a paisley pattern – it’s not just random blotches of yellow the way she’d thought. What a time to notice.

Ben takes another long, despairing drink – this time from the bottle, as she had. Then he stands, starts to pace as he speaks. ‘He lived hard, you know? He was basically a smuggler. Sometimes it was noble – helping asylum seekers, that kind of thing. Sometimes it was less noble and more about profit. He drank a lot, smoked too much, partied all the time. He and Mom fought all the time when he was home but she missed him terribly when he was gone. When I started…’ He looks at Rey, then back to the bottle. ‘I got in with a bad crowd and Mom called him to talk to me about it. Fuck knows why – maybe she just didn’t realize how well I knew his work. Anyway, we had a knock-down drag-out fight. I threw a lamp at him. He fell.’

Rey waits a moment. ‘That doesn’t mean…’

Ben cuts her off, ‘He hit his head when he fell. Triggered a stroke.’ He drank again, deeply. ‘And I just got worse, after. Angrier. Couldn’t stand to look at Mom, so I couldn’t talk to her. I just got worse and drunker and angrier and in the end I could barely stand to look at myself in the mirror. And Snoke encouraged me. You know? It was like the worse the things I did, the more he got off on it.’

Rey’s heart aches for him, this beautiful, broken man. ‘You never talked about it with anyone?’

‘A therapist, eventually. Started to get myself back together. Worked no anger management. Then Chewie died. He was my dad’s dog first, you know?’

‘I didn’t know that.’ She smiles softly. ‘He was a wonderful dog. I remember talking to him, do you remember that?’

He scoffs a little. ‘Yeah. You were what, twelve?’

‘Something like that. I swear, I could understand his every howl.’

‘Dad used to say the same thing,’ Ben said, exactly as he had the first time he’d seen Rey speaking to Chewie, a lifetime ago. His face crumples.

Rey stands and he all but falls into her arms. He’s so tall, so broad that he almost has to bend himself in half to wrap his arms around her but he manages it and sobs into her naked shoulder. Rey’s not used to comforting anyone, but she’s always known what she would have wanted someone to do for her on those nights when it all got to be too much. This is why he had to drink, she thinks. He needed to cry. He needed to be honest with himself.

She strokes his hair and murmurs nonsense into his ear, telling him its all right, let it out, you’re safe here. I’ve got you. Let it wash over you and away.

Eventually, Ben sobs himself dry. By then, they’re lying back, Rey tucked into his arms. His grip on her is tight but not uncomfortable. It feels like maybe he might want to keep her – and that frightens her a bit even as she lets herself lean into it. He’s not like any of her other clients and she can’t even pretend.

They are quiet for a long time. Rey wonders if maybe he’s fallen asleep, exhausted from crying, but when she moves away, he opens his eyes.

‘Thank you,’ he says softly. ‘I haven’t… I really needed that.’

Rey smooths back his hair and kisses his forehead. It’s a gesture Finn used to make and about the only expression of tenderness she knows. It seems to work; Ben leans into her touch and his expression is softer when Rey pulls back.

‘I’m sorry,’ he says.

‘What for?’

He looks away. ‘I saw you. When you were growing up. Always hungry and a little scared. But you were a teenage girl and I didn’t know what to do. I should have done something.’

‘You gave me something to dream about,’ she says with a shrug.

He frowns his confusion.

‘I used to have the biggest crush on you.’

‘What?’ Ben’s face is such a perfect picture of surprise that Rey almost laughs.

‘I used to turn off the lights in my room and watch you for hours. I had it in my head that you never dated anyone because you were waiting for me.’

‘When… when was this?’

‘Ninth grade.’ She flashes him a smile. ‘I was precocious even then.’

‘God,’ Ben says, the self-loathing coming back into his eyes. ‘You’re so young.’

‘Oh, shut up, you’ve said that already. And we drank together and you gave me frankly spectacular head, so the dwelling on it is becoming weird.’

That shocks a laugh out of him.

‘Better,’ Rey says. She snuggles back into his arms. ‘I’ve liked this. You.’

‘Me. Crying and swilling booze over you.’

‘Everyone needs a good cry sometimes.’

Ben snorts. ‘I used to think I had so much, you know. Money and power and strength. None of it means anything.’

‘At least you have that, I guess? All I’ve got is some savings.’

‘You’re just starting out though.’

‘How old are you, again?’

Ben shifts awkwardly. ‘Twenty-nine.’

Rey smiles at him. ‘A baby compared to some of the men I’ve been with. You’ve got time to change things.’

He reaches out to touch her face, cups her cheek in his hand. He really does like kissing, Rey thinks as he presses his mouth to hers. His lips are plush, his kisses sweet. Rey catches his wrist, caresses it with her fingertips. She’s glad they’re here at last; she knew he’d want a little something before his time was over. But this feels real in a way that it usually doesn’t. Like before, the kiss is hot and tender and sweet all at once. He drinks from her mouth and the more he does, the thirstier she becomes.

Ben breaks away suddenly and Rey moans her frustration. ‘What are you…’

‘I haven’t been with a woman since my father died,’ he says all at once.

Rey digests that for a moment. ‘But earlier you­–’

‘Yes. Yes, that was for you.’

Rey is amazed he didn’t come in his pants, if it had been – wow, ‘So two years?’

‘Two years.’ His voice is grim.

‘Ah well,’ Rey says, drawing him back to her. ‘Let’s help you get your form back.’

Ben seems as though he’s going to protest which is insane because now she finally understands what she’s doing here. So she kisses him, nibbles on those full, plush lips. He’s _still_ got all his clothes on while Rey has been naked for a very long time now, so she starts tugging insistently at his shirt until he reaches up a hand to the back of his neck to pull it off and toss it away.

When Rey got home from that appointment with Tekka, Ben was sitting out on his front porch - something he never did, he favored his back yard. He had a beer in his hand, of course. He watched her walk along the street; she looked back at him as she went. She was back in her hoody and jeans, her camouflage, but she might as well have been naked.

Kira had been watched before, of course. Kira even got off on it a bit, after overcoming some initial shyness which had initially been real but was now something she knew her clients enjoyed.

Rey though – Ben had punched clean through Kira and seen her. She felt nervous and sick and couldn’t even enjoy the way he was looking at her now. She didn’t know what the consequences would be. His eyes burned her as she walked by him and even though she stared right back at him in challenge, _I’m not giving you anything_ , she was afraid.

He watched her all the way inside her house. The call come through to her Kira number the next day – he must have trawled through goodness knows how many online ads to find her. His voice on the phone was dark melted chocolate laced with booze. ‘Rey,’ was all he said and she could have sworn her heart stopped. She felt hot and sick. ‘Meet me.’


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Entering the final stretch... if you know what I mean

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you haven't checked out the fic [playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4uL3QyCclDhPcyDtC0nZMh?si=Y3rDJiOyQVeqAyPM5PDCHA) then please do - I listened to the Stone Sour track on repeat while writing this chapter :)

Rey only manages to get her hands on Ben for a moment before he’s flinching away. ‘Wait, stop.’

‘What?’ she bursts, exasperated. ‘What? You brought me here for this, didn’t you? This is what you wanted!’

For a split second he looks as though he’s going to cry; Rey wonders if that’s the drink or if he’s always this emotional, if he really might be unstable. It should scare her more and thrill her less.

‘Yes, but… you, you, what do _you_ want?’

‘You, of course,’ Rey says, scowling. ‘I told you that already.’

He looks her in the eyes and his gaze is as intense as it ever has been. Rey, afraid he’s going to start _talking_ again, presses her lips to his once, twice, one more. She runs her hand down his chest, marveling at the hard planes of him. The alcohol hasn’t caused him to go doughy – all those hours in the gym, she supposes. She scrapes her nails down his stomach and breathes in his gasps. His arms are around her and he’s kissing her over and over again. He breathes into her cheek, hot, and tugs her earlobe with his teeth. She moans and returns the gesture as she undoes his belt. They’ve gone from zero to sixty faster than she’d have expected. Ben only seems to have two speeds though – dead slow and lightning.

He shucks his pants and boxers, leaving the belt in the loops and tossing the whole lot away as he had his shirt. His cock is beautiful, large and pink, already hardening. Rey takes him in hand and he groans as she strokes him to full hardness.

‘Condom?’ she whispers in his ear.

Ben stills a little before saying, ‘Of course. Do you…?’

Of course she does. She smiles at him before stepping to her bag and fishing out a strip of foil packets. Ben’s eyes are inscrutable as he watches her.

‘Did you decide?’ she asks, knowing he’s overthinking it suddenly, trying to get him back on track. ‘Whether you’d want to be in control? We can do this any way you want.’

‘Stop saying that!’ Ben snarls, furious in a heartbeat. ‘Don’t you understand – we talked about Kira and me and Finn but not you, Rey. What can I give you?’

Money, Rey thinks at once and is immediately ashamed. It surprises her, the shame. She thought she’d long made her peace with all of this.

Ben is already apologizing for his outburst while Rey sits back, foil packet in her hand. They’re both breathing hard.

‘Fuck,’ Rey says and now she’s close to tears for the first time since Finn dumped her. Angrily she wipes at her face. Ben reaches for her; she flinches back. Still naked on the stupid bedspread, and he wants to strip her further.

He reaches for her again, slow and gentle. She remembers that he had experience with dogs and the comparison her own brain is making is just ridiculous and unflattering enough that the rush of emotion ebbs a little and she lets Ben pulls her into his arms, shushing her. He’s better at this than she had been.

The tears in her eyes dry.

‘There’s this saying,’ Rey begins, voice a little hoarse. ‘Men don’t pay hookers for sex, they pay us to leave afterwards.’

Ben makes a soft noise in his throat and keeps stroking her hair.

‘Everyone who was supposed to love me left. My parents, Finn. They left and they broke my heart and someone wants to pay me to leave them?’ There’s more: the pleasure of it, the thrill of knowing that she was the one really in control, the one who would always do the leaving, the one who would never be hurt again.

‘You need someone to stay,’ Ben murmurs. ‘You need someone to stay for you.’

Rey opens her mouth to deny it but the words won’t come out. She swallows hard, her throat dry. ‘It’s too much to ask anyone. I know that.’

‘No one stayed for me either. Not really,’ Ben whispers.

‘It was worst after Finn. I lost my friend and everyone at school started calling me slut and I’d never felt more alone.’

‘You’re not alone,’ Ben says and it feels like a promise.

‘Neither are you,’ she returns. His hand in her hair pulls her head back so he can kiss her. There’s salt water mingling with the alcohol now and she chases it onto his tongue, into his mouth. His soft hair greets her fingers, his hands scoop her closer and closer to him and she gasps, pressing her face into his cheek.

He lowers her to the bed, his mouth going to her breasts at once. Rey gasps and lets him. When she was younger, still growing, she’d wanted her breasts to grow bigger but these days they were so often called ‘perfect handfuls’ that she’d grown to like them a lot. Of course, Ben’s hands were huge but his mouth on her was perfect, sucking and nipping, making her writhe.

‘You’re so beautiful,’ he says.

When he looks at her, she _feels_ beautiful. She squirms beneath him, digging her nails into his back. He slides one hand down between them and slides a finger in to her, testing.

‘You’re so wet,’ he groans.

‘It’s all for you, Ben,’ she whispers, pushing herself against him. And in that moment, it’s true – there is only the two of them, this hotel room, this moment of catharsis. She scrapes her nails down his body and he shivers above her, reaching for the condom without further prompting. She watches him slide it on, touching him anywhere she can reach as he does; he watches her and watches her and she turns to liquid pleasure beneath his eyes then on his fingers.

When he slides inside her, it’s beyond anything Rey has known. She’s been fucked before but this – this feels right. She opens her eyes to meet his gaze, equally startled, equally present. He pulls back and gently thrusts; Rey arches her back. She’s using none of Kira’s usual performance tricks. No dirty talk, no porn star moans. Just Rey gasping and affirming as Ben rocks inside her, groaning. She touches his back, his hair, his face. He presses his mouth to her cheek, her throat, her mouth. His fingers slip to her clit as he pounds inside her and she gasps, moans, _begs_ until she flies apart around him, clenching on his huge cock until he blurts something about how tight she is and cums himself.

As they come back to themselves, there’s something both dreamlike yet very awake in the air between them, as though a bond has flared into life that will be very hard to leave behind.


	10. Chapter 10

Ben holds Rey for a long time after they’re done. The condom was disposed of, Rey went to the bathroom the way she always does after sex, but then Ben cuddled her close, strong arms around soft curves.

It feels strange. Some of her clients get cuddly but most don’t. Some liked to run a hand over her body or something but Ben is spooning her, all around her, keeping her safe.

Rey loves it. She could stay here forever.

But he’s a client, and they pay her to leave.

‘I have to go soon,’ she whispers reluctantly.

‘I know,’ Ben says. He makes no move to let go.

‘Will you be all right now?’ she asks.

‘Will you?’ he returns. ‘If I just let you take off?’

Rey doesn’t know the answer. Instead of trying to think, or say anything else, she pulls Ben’s arms more tightly around her and lets his lips settle against her shoulder as she closes her eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaand that's a wrap. Thank you for reading and especially to all you commenters <3
> 
> If you enjoyed this story, please check out my other Reylo fics: [entwined, mouths broken](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21504931) is a darker Modern AU while [Scars Like Wings](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22152478) is a TROS fix-it oneshot.


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